Sometimes Research Doesn’t Help

We can’t get in to see our RE until February 13. I know 3 weeks isn’t really that long, but when you’re sitting waiting for answers and waiting to find out what’s next, if anything, it feels like forever.

This weekend was rough. The surgery and awful news came Thursday and then poor Jon had to sit around all weekend recuperating while I basically just cried on and off. On Sunday he told me that he was trying to get over it and not feel bad but couldn’t because of my face. It’s only been 3 days with this new information and I’m not ready to be ok yet. I don’t know what needs to happen to make me ok, but at this particular moment, I am not. And I’m glad that Jon isn’t the type to dwell and wants to move forward, but….it’s been 3 days. That’s not enough time to grieve the fact that we’re not having biological children.

We had talked briefly before about sperm donation. Our RE had brought it up as a next possible step if we needed to go that route (which, she confidently told us, I’m sure you won’t have to. Surprise!). I started doing some preliminary research about how the kids of donor sperm grow up and Jesus…these articles are horrifying. I read an article from the UK with a headline like “Betsy just found out she is a product of donor sperm, but why does she now resent the very people who gave her life?”

I’m scared that if we go this route we’ll end up with a child that hates us. I don’t want to make a decision that will hang over our heads and taint every single day of not only our lives, but our child’s life as well.

Also, articles that start with “Donor number 47789 has been found to have 98 children” really freak me out. Why isn’t there better monitoring of this? I know that the sperm is shipped all over the world, so it’s not like there would be 98 half-siblings running around Massachusetts, but that’s a LOT of children! And I would want our child to have the opportunity to find out who the man is, so if that guy has 98 kids all looking for him, won’t he, at some point, just stop replying? That’s a huge time commitment and pressure on him and his family, right?

There just seem to be so many things that are scary about this route. And sometimes, doing all this research doesn’t help to make me feel better. I think I need better direction, or I need to stop reading things that are written from this sensationalized point of view. I guess a story about how donor-sperm babies grow up to be completely fine and well-adjusted aren’t really news stories, are they?


About youmesomeoneelse

A pretty normal couple working their way down the winding and sometimes weird road to having a family

Posted on January 23, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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