First Cycle Starting
So, we’ve picked out our donor, placed the order for 3 vials, have found a place locally to store them and called to let the doctor know that yesterday was my cycle day 1. We are officially in our first IUI cycle. Sometime nearer the end of the month, we will be attempting to get pregnant and for the first time, all the pieces will be actually available to do that.
Of course, the odds are only 15% chance that we get pregnant in any given cycle. A lot of things have to go right. But, it’s exciting to think about our first cycle and what COULD happen if all those things go well.
Now that we’ve decided to go this route and we’re satisfied that we’re making the right decision for us, a lot of what we worry about has to do with how we discuss our decision with other people.
I think this is much easier for me than Jon. We both agree that we want to tell the child early and often and have it just be something that’s a part of them. I want it to be something that they just grow up knowing, I don’t want them to remember a time they didn’t know and then all of a sudden after a big conversation, now they do…I want them to be aware of how they came into our lives and while it makes their story special, it’s nothing to be ashamed of or hidden. I want our kids to be aware that this was a hard choice, but that we wanted a family and we were excited for them to come into our lives and that we made this decision knowing and prepared for the fact that someday they might be interested in their donor.
There are a lot of stories about parents not telling their children until they are teens or adults, but I would worry that #1, that’s a long time to keep a secret and #2, if your kids find out that you’ve been keeping this secret for so many years, won’t they feel like they people they’re supposed to be most honest and safe with have betrayed them? I don’t want our kids to find out later in life and then question everything they’ve known about their family unit. We’re both on board with the plan to tell our kids young about where they came from.
I think where we might differ is the telling of people around us. Two of the first people I told were my mom & sister, so they’re with us every step of the way. They know what’s going on and what we’re going through and what kind of a road it’s been. And I have found that I needed that support. My best friends also know and it’s been helpful to have people checking in and asking how things are going. It’s nice to be able to unload and have people understand. I don’t think any of our friends know anyone who has gone through this process, but to be able to explain to them how it’s going has been helpful. I find when I say things out loud to other people, I learn what parts of the story I understand well and where I need more clarity/research to fill in some gaps or questions. It’s a learning experience for everyone. Jon & I just told our first mutual friends last weekend and I think it was helpful for him that they were incredibly supportive. One thing that was said that I thought was particularly helpful was “it’s interesting as we grow up to see how families come together and all the different ways that are possible.” Between IVF, donor insemination, adoption etc..it’s clear that people around feel like whatever method you use to have your children, the end result is a family that is loving and that is the most important part.