Early Morning Therapy
Monday morning, bright and early, we headed to a session with a therapist/social worker to talk about all that we’ve been through emotionally in the last few months. Since I’ve never been to therapy, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I didn’t know if Jon & I would both end up sobbing puddles on the floor or arguing about something or deciding that we didn’t want to do donor sperm anymore or if it would sway us from what we’d decided was the best path for us.
As it turns out, all that happened was a lovely conversation with a woman who knows what she’s talking about and we realized that we really are on the same page after all.
She helped us to talk through the decision, how open we wanted to be about it (which…pretty open. Hello Internet!) and what we were concerned about the most. The therapist has friends who used donor sperm and now have 3 grown children who are all completely normal and well-adjusted. I have found that the most helpful thing for me has been hearing first hand accounts that things end up ok and that the children are not traumatized and angry. For Jon, this has never been an issue, but it’s something that I find myself worrying about every once in a while.
We learned that what makes us the most sad is that our children won’t share Jon’s mannerisms. I’m sad that our kids might not be as even-keeled, sensible, reliable, sarcastic, crazy-intelligent as Jon is. The social worker revealed that a lot of this has to do with just growing up with Jon and mannerisms that Jon exhibits will be picked up by the child regardless of genetics. So I guess that makes me feel a little better, but the fact that we might not see Jon’s personality exhibited in our kids still makes both of us a little teary.
We talked about how we’re going to go about telling other people, like parents. My mom already knows and has known since the beginning, so it’s more about how we’re going to tell Jon’s parents and whether or not they will be on board with our decision. I honestly don’t know how that conversation is going to go. I’m sure they will have some questions and I don’t know if they’ll agree with the decision we’ve made. I hope they do. Or at least, they understand why we’ve made it. I guess we’ll find out on Tuesday when they come over for dinner.
We can put that on the “Things I’m Not Looking Forward To” list.
Overall, I think the session went really well. I felt good sitting with Jon and talking about our plans and hearing that we’re both on the same wavelength and ready for what’s to come. I left feeling like it’s going to be an interesting journey, but one that we’re both ready to conquer together and that was important.