Monthly Archives: April 2012

So…how are you guys doin’?

It’s a lot easier to write and vent and give updates when there are actually things going on.

– We are only 11 days into Cycle #2, so really nothing going on there. In case you’re just joining us, nothing happened last cycle until day 26/27.  So we have a ways to go there. Pretty status quo at the moment.

– Our house has been on the market for a month now and we’ve received one ridiculously low offer and that’s about it. BUT we did bury a St. Joseph statue last week, so hopefully that will help. Even Jon in all his Jewish-ness loudly proclaimed while we were burying it that, much like the Cowardly Lion, he “do believe. I do I do I do I do believe!” I think St. Joseph might have heard him because we got our crazy low offer the next day. Thanks Joe, keep working on it. It’s only been a month and everything on Redfin.com in our area took about 2 months to sell, so we’re just being impatient. We’re really not in a rush to sell and we can wait until we get the right offer. Even if we take it off the market and try again next year, that’s fine too.

Everything else is just…fine. Nothing exciting going on. I think I need something else to take up my time. Maybe I’ll take another cooking class or something. It feels weird that less than a month ago I was the most stressed that I have probably ever been and now I feel like I need something else on which to focus. Obviously, there’s a good chance that I’ll never say that phrase again after things start happening in both the aforementioned arenas, but for now….  For the first time since we found out something was actually really wrong in September I feel like I can focus on something else, learn something else, move on from this enormous new reality that kind of swallowed our lives for 6 months. I don’t know why but it sometimes felt so hard to both LIVE and deal with the infertility issues. Now, instead of life feeling like…..like holding your breath? kind of? I finally feel like I can do something else with these situations as a supporting actress in our lives instead of the main and winning antagonist.

How’s that for mixed metaphors? Similes. Stupid English degree.

What’s goin’ on with you?

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Ah Cycle #1, We Barely Knew Ye…

…ok, that’s not really true. We knew cycle #1 very well. Because it was 39 days long. *sigh*
And while it was Cycle #1 of IUI’s, it was really Cycle 17 since we started trying. So that’s fun. It’s nice to look at this list and realize it takes up more than half of a sheet of paper. While I’m not even a little surprised that this cycle didn’t take, it’s still a little annoying because it was SO LONG.  IUI doesn’t want to take? Fine! But could it not take in under 30 days? Just once? That would be awesome. This was the longest cycle I’ve had since last June so I was kind of hoping we had turned a corner on the 39-46 day cycle lengths. Apparently not the case.

I’m going into this cycle having one under my belt though and that’s good for my peace of mind I think. I’m not quite as worried about getting the vial out of the storage place and what will happen if I need it refilled, I just need to plan for the weekends and that is do-able.

Also in the news, we had our second open house this weekend and we’re waiting to hear if maybe someone would like to buy our place. While we had to be out of the house anyway we went to 10 open houses ourselves and drove by 2 or 3 others that were on our list to check out just to see the neighborhoods. We saw our dream home in a town that is too far north to be an option and we’ve come to realize that the two northern towns that are on our list are not near anyone we know. And while it would be good for Jon’s commute it would be really crappy for our social lives. So we crossed kind of a big hurdle I think..we narrowed down our town list by  5 towns and are refocusing our efforts on towns that are going to keep us closer to my family and all our friends. That dream home is gorgeous, it’s just in the wrong place. We did a lot of driving yesterday but we learned a lot and I think we’re making a good decision. I feel very at peace with things.

Phantom Symptoms That Just Aren’t There

Since I had the IUI 8 days ago, I have been super aware of the goings-on inside my body. I have been vigilantly waiting to see if I feel anything either way. Regardless of the fact that I am 99.7% sure this cycle failed, I have been checking in with myself to see if I’m feeling anything new or weird. Because of the fact that I spend a lot of quiet time with myself (working at home alone, almost never falling right to sleep etc..) I would say that I am prone to phantom symptoms…but this time?

I feel NOTHING.

I mean nothing at all. My luteal phase is normally 9-12 days and I am 8 days in and I feel less than I normally do at this time in the cycle. If I had to swing one way or another I’d say I feel like I could get my period in a few days and not be surprised (because that’s what is supposed to happen…), but other than that…nothing is happening at all. No cramps of any kind, my boobs are the normal size, color and don’t feel odd in any way, my stomach is settled and I am not nauseous, thirstier than normal or radically mood-changey.

Is it possible I have been so in tune with the possibility of phantom symptoms that I scared them away?

Ah, new experiences..

It’s weird being in the 2ww (for those not “in the know” so far as internet lingo goes, that’s the 2 week wait after conception to see if the process took..). This is my first 2ww ever and I thought I’d be more stressed, analyzing every twinge and ache but in reality I just feel calm.

For the first time in weeks, there is nothing to worry about. It is all out of my hands (and in my uterus..) and whatever is going to happen is already working away in there. I don’t have to think about vials or tanks or timing or testing every day. For a blissful two weeks, it’s all over and I just wait. I can just BE. How nice.

In the meantime, we’ve had a couple more house showings and another one tomorrow. So that seems to be going as well as any first week on the market could be. Hopefully we’ll get an offer soon. Saturday we’re going to check out a group of houses to the west/north with our realtor’s dad (um, sure..whatever..that’s not weird, right?) and we have a group of houses south that we want to see. Onward and upward!

Premptive Debbie Downer

I am slightly more calm now then I was last Monday. so this post will be less manic than the previous one.  You’re welcome in advance.

Where did I leave off? Last Sunday we decided to list our house on the market, our furnace pump broke the same day and I had a tank of liquid nitrogen that had to go back to the bank by Thursday but it didn’t really look or feel like my body would be ready to ovulate by then. I was stressed.

What a difference a week makes! Monday the 26th, the furnace guy came and fixed the pump and brought an electrician to fix a carbon monoxide detector and fix some duct work. That was nice. Tuesday our realtor came to take pictures of the house in all of its decluttered glory, Wednesday I spent a lovely day with my mom and sister seeing The Hunger Games (which I thought was amazing) and eating great food. Thursday our house was OFFICIALLY on the market and I went to the sperm bank to have the tank refilled with liquid nitrogen for another seven days for only $50 and then Friday we started checking out houses on Zillow.com and our realtor showed our house for the first time.

As we headed into the weekend, by Friday I was on 11 days of “high” readings on the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor and then it went back down to “low” instead of up to “peak” like I was hoping. Cheapie OPK’s weren’t showing anything exciting either. On Saturday the CBEFM didn’t even ask for a test BUT the OPK read positive. So that meant that on Sunday we could go in for an IUI!! AHH!!! Oh, and that was also the day of our first open house. My body just really wanted everything to continue happening all at once. Wasn’t that nice?

Sunday was kind of weird. I woke up crazy early after not getting a lot of sleep (Jon was away for his fantasy baseball draft that night so I made the questionable decision to stay up until 2am watching DVR’d Grey’s Anatomy…bad call. Really bad call) and got started on doing some last minute cleaning. Put things away, made sure the windows were open and letting in lots of light..took the leaves out of the kitchen table to make our kitchen look bigger..Jon finally got home and we headed in for the IUI at 11am. When we got there, the girl thawed the vial and then had us confirm the donor number. I rattled off the 4 numbers and she looked us right in the eye and straight faced said “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t actually match what’s here..”

APRIL FOOLS.

Um. Dude. I’m sure me & Jon’s faces were priceless. As I tried to decide who to sue, how much to freak out..Jon said his heart dropped. And this girl just laughs and tells us that it was just a joke. I didn’t even realize it was April Fools Day but I don’t think that’s a great joke to play on someone. I’m just saying. She started out the appointment with “I have some bad news………..you have to re-sign some of the paperwork.” On the way home Jon said “I don’t think she has a firm grasp on what constitutes ‘bad news’ at this point in this particular journey” and I totally agree.

ANYWAY. The IUI itself was a total non-event. I had already had an HSC which was pretty much the exact same thing. So the doctor placed the stuff where it needed to go, I laid there for 10 minutes and then we left. But not before getting a coffee to make it through the rest of the day. I told Jon when we left though, I don’t feel great about our chances this cycle. He was bummed and surprised I was being so pessimistic but something just doesn’t feel right to me about this cycle. I got the positive OPK on Saturday but Sunday when I tested it was back to negative where I usually get two positive days in a row. So, I guess it was good to have a practice run, but when I POAS on the 15th, I don’t really have high hopes. I’m actually fully expecting to get my period any time now.

We couldn’t go home because our Open House was going on, so we decided to spend the day checking out some open houses of our own. 5 hours, 1 rude realtor, 2 houses on main roads, and 6 houses with some good points each but none with the whole package later we were both exhausted and ready to gnaw off our arms. I think what we learned was that we need a buyers agent. We’re going to check with our realtor and see if he can do it. We have a list of houses we want to see but it’s a lot of legwork and waiting to check in with each sellers agent individually and schedule showings. Hopefully our realtor can just plan a day/couple of days where we can check these out.

Oh, and hopefully someone wants to buy our house. That would help.