Ready for June to be Over
June has always been my favorite month.
School used to end in June giving way to the fun times of summer. The weather gets consistently warm and bright and there’s no end of things to do. It doesn’t hurt that my birthday is in June and I can associate the month not only with the bright and fun but with birthday cake and ice cream.
This month has been pretty much the antithesis of all of that. Since we’re between places, we’ve been living at a friend’s house who conveniently is in the UK for work for the entire month. It’s awesome that Jon & I have our own place and don’t have to live separately at our parents but this apartment is like a cave. It’s dark and kind of sad and it’s just making me even more depressed. The only good thing is that his Tempurpedic bed is extremely comfortable and I’m sleeping really well. Other than that, it’s depressing. And I can almost not even handle any more depressing.
I miss having a house to take care of. I miss having a place that’s ours and has all our stuff. I miss our couch, our bed and our desk. My workspace is all disheveled and not only am I living out of a suitcase, I’m working out of a box. It’s like every part of the day is wrinkled. Clothes to paperwork I am living in a constant state of mess and after a couple of weeks of this I’m already starting to break.
Add to that the fact that I’m about 95% positive that IUI #3 has failed. Test day is Friday or Saturday but I feel fine. Nothing hurts, nothing is crampy, things are just status quo and that is not helping with my mood. I am so tired of living cycle to cycle and stage to stage and now we have to A) order more vials of sperm and B) maybe choose a new donor and C) move onto injectibles since Clomid made me a psychopath. All of those things make me even sadder.
Kristen Bell said recently (I think on Ellen) that she’s at optimal mood between a 3 and a 7. On either end, she’s crying. Too happy or too sad, she’s crying. That’s pretty much me this month. I am operating at a 2.9 and dip into 1.5 level at some points.
OH, and Jon will be in Japan from the 18th to the 26th. So that’s awesome too. This month sucks.