Blood Test Results or, Things I Already Know
Negative. Obviously. The multiple tests I took Sunday & Monday weren’t ALL liars. OH, and the fact that I got my period full force this morning before I even left the house for the blood test pretty much put the nail in that. My beta was a 5 which means something started to form but didn’t take. I have to go back Friday for another blood test to make sure everything’s back down to zero.
Then at the blood test, even though I drank water all the way there, the girl stabbed me once in my right arm, twice in my left then sent me down to the blood lab where they stabbed me again in each arm and ended up taking my blood through the back of my hand. So that was a fun and new experience.
And while getting dressed to go I ripped a huge hole my favorite jeans (with my foot, not with my huge thighs/ass which would have been only slightly worse). But clearly that’s not the worst part of the day, just a cherry on top of the shit sundae that we are stupidly and naively continuing to put ourselves through.
I just…have no optimism left in me. I have no more hope left in me. I have no more “smiling until we find out” left in me.
Things march on and I guess we’ll keep going with FET until we run out of our 8 frosties (assuming they all survive the thaw of course, which, with our current luck is doubtful) but I feel completely disconnected from the process because no matter how much we want it and how much we follow the rules and how good our eggs or embryos look, it doesn’t actually matter.